No wardrobe malfunction is gonna slow me down!

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So, I wore a bright coral dress to a friend’s wedding ceremony a few years ago. When I showed up to the reception, I had changed into a black one.

What did it look like?

That I had planned a costume change and a different dress for each occasion.

Was that the case?  

Absolutely not.

Here’s what happened.

Walking to the church in dripping May heat, things started going wrong, wrong, wrong. My feet were hurting terribly. I only had my new shoes on for a total of 20 minutes, how on Earth would I withstand the night?? I don’t mind waking up with sore feet after a night of dancing, but having my shoes do a number on me before festivities even begin is no bueno. Ever see the Friends episode where Ross puts on the leather pants and the heat makes them shrink? He thinks water and baby powder will solve the problem and it all went downhill from there.

My issue was just the opposite.

The dress, that I spent way too long searching for, spent far to much $$ on, that the sales associates assured me was, “just perfect!” was some how becoming misshapen and expanding in the humidity. Sweat was dripping down my chest and back. The double-sided tape that had the task of just staying glued to my body to secure any loose material had decided it had enough. I was thisclose to having a nip slip on the steps of the church after the ceremony as we waited for the newlyweds to come out to take a group photo. I looked over at my husband in his suit and tie, beads of sweat dripping down his head, and knew he shared in my discomfort.

It was clear I had to make the call. Not only for me, but for his sanity, as I knew he wouldn’t be able to put up with my wardrobe malfunctions all night.

So, we went home and took showers before we went to the reception. He put on a fresh shirt.  I changed into a black dress. Oh the irony. I ended up wearing a dress that I had for like five years that I paid a total of $10 for (it was $60 on sale at Banana Republic and I had a $50 gift card).

I knew when we arrived at the reception a short while later, the questions would swirl. Weren’t you wearing pink at the wedding? What happened to your pink dress? Wow, different dress for each occasion? Aren’t you fancy!  

What I concluded to be lessons from this story:

  • I can’t wear heels like I used to.
  • I’m never going to spend that much time looking for a dress again in my life.
  • I can have fun no matter what I’m wearing.
  • This is not the first, nor will it be the last, wardrobe malfunction I will ever have.

Maybe sometime I will tell you all the story of when I wore a skirt to work with a pair of my roommate’s underwear attached to it all day, unbeknownst to me.  Well, I guess I just basically told the story-I wore a skirt to work…and I had pair of my roommate’s underwear attached to it all day.  There you have it!

In fact, just a few weeks ago I had red wine spilled down the front of my dress at a wedding.  Did I care?  Absolutely not.  I just kept on dancing.

Have a great weekend everyone and just keep on dancing 🙂

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Only evidence I have of me in the evil dress

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Thoughts of said dress were a distant memory just a few hours later


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